There are days that I feel selfish living here. Although I have been working as much as possible to help implement TB screening in the antenatal clinic, I still feel like I gain so much more than I am giving. Most of the Kenyans that I interact with daily are living on only several dollars a day. Yet they seem to live each day full of energy and without many complaints. It’s a great attitude, and I have been trying to adopt it as my own while living here. Fortunately, it’s not difficult to do since this way of thinking is sort of necessary if you want to emotionally survive here.
When I was walking to meet the field coordinator last week, I was trying to think of things that I might complain about/think about in the states vs things that I might complain about/think about here. I thought that this would help me realize if living here has changed my outlook on life at all. Here is what I came up with:
In the US: Ugh this traffic light is taking forever. I’m not going to be able to stop for coffee on the way to work.
In Kenya: I hope that it’s not too muddy on the way to town. I really want to get there in under 40 minutes.
In the US: Oh man. I left my umbrella in the car. And I just dried my hair this morning.
In Kenya: Hmm. I wish I had covered the open blisters on my feet. This muddy rainwater that I’ve been walking through for the past 20 minutes might not be that clean.
In the US: Why is the hot water off in my apartment complex? If it’s not back by this evening I am definitely calling to complain.
In Kenya: If I run before I shower, the lukewarm water actually feels hot!
In the US: Ugh. The jalapeno monterey jack cheese isn’t on sale today at Wegmans!
In Kenya: Oh damn. Nakumatt doesn’t have any cheese left.
I hope that I will be able to maintain this mindset when I return to the states, and think less about the relatively little, insignificant things in life. I feel so lucky to have been born in the US where my family provided me with great food, shelter, healthcare, and a fantastic education. It’s difficult to realize and appreciate these things at home when the norm where we grew up is the above. However, living in Kenya highlights these disparities for me daily, and my feelings of guilt and selfishness lead me to wonder what my responsibilities are as an American and future physician to help those less fortunate across the globe. Do we have a social and moral obligation to close the gap between the Western and developing worlds? Or do we leave poverty and suffering from curable diseases as Kenyans put it ‘in the hands of God’?